Come on come on, let's stick together

I’m proud to say that aside from a couple of sarcastic film reviews and the odd disappointed gig write-up, I’ve never lifted a pen in anger. Or even hit a keyboard (work-related frustration doesn’t count). I hate confrontation. I’m a happy, clappy, ‘why can’t we all just be friends’ hippy throwback who basically just can’t be bothered to get involved in the petty online sniping that always follows an overly honest report or opinion. I’d much rather cloak things in humour or engage in a detailed consideration of facial hair.

I have to break not only my silence of late on this here blog, but also the above unwritten rule I once set for myself, to respond to Nottingham Panthers fan Allan Decker’s blog post on the TCW Fanzine (25/10/2011). In it he raises a number of valid points about the finances of top league hockey in the UK at the moment, interspersed with some fairly controversial and I would wager intentionally inflammatory digs at other teams.

I was disappointed with the piece for a number of reasons. Aside from the fact it would have been a well written blog had it not been so needlessly antagonistic, the points Mr Decker was making held water and are issues the Elite League itself will need to consider and deal with in the future as they, and other leagues, have had to in the past. However, instead of making some practical suggestions, perhaps inviting a thoughtful response from his readers, or even – heaven forbid – adopting some kind of spirited ‘we’re all in this together’ mentality, he instead chose to vilify other teams at every opportunity in order to make his point. Productive? Er, that’s a negative.

So what has happened to the hockey community that I so recently came to know and love? It clearly experienced a congeniality bypass when it got to Mr Decker. Coming from the standpoint of a brand new hockey fan I feel I've had a unique insight that many long-term fans may appreciate and those who have read this blog before will hopefully have been amused by, and I can safely say that along with learning myriad rules, names of players, team history and generally fully ensconcing myself in the hockey lifestyle and experience last season, I above all came to discover one key thing: that hockey fans stick together. The fragility of the infrastructure of a sport such as ice hockey in a country that couldn’t give a teeny tiny hoot about its existence as a whole is tangible. Ask Vipers fans, but also Hull, Edinburgh, Fife. And those are just teams who have been hit by hardship of one form of another in the last couple of seasons. Looking back through the recent history of the sport you can see how volatile the situation is, and how unless we stick together – at EVERY level, from the fans in the stands to the guys in the boardrooms – it cannot be sustainable in the long-term.

‘Insufferable whingers’ as we may be (and yes, I include myself in this group – I AM a Viper – whether I have a team or not), there was no doubting that Vipers fans had friends in every rink last season, and this was no more apparent than when we were in dire need of support and fans from every other team chipped in to help, coming to Whitley Bay despite its less apparent charms, buying raffle tickets, even buying tickets to our games when they weren’t even able to attend. And I'd like think we would have done the same for another club in trouble. Is this the way things are supposed to be? No, absolutely not. But past bad business decisions or no, the management worked their fingers to the bone in the face of adversity to ensure they could survive the season, for the sake of the fans, the team and the league. And our friends around the UK did what they could to help us. It was no more apparent than at play-off weekend, where the loud, proud Vipers contingent were greeted in every pub and at every game with a real sense of empathy for the situation we found ourselves in. And the Vipers were there to support the sport, regardless of the hand we had been dealt.

What sort of fan in this so-called community brushes aside such effort, goodwill, friendship, and indeed history to complain about another team not having the money to compete with their team? Who will benefit, ultimately, from teams like the Vipers, Capitals, or whoever, folding? It’s impossible to sustain a league of any sensible size using the Panthers as a business model. Yes it’s working for them – but at what cost? Everyone has their opinions, but personally I would love for each team to be as strong, and competitive, as they possibly can. We didn’t ask Panthers to ‘play down to our level’ as Mr Decker twice opines in his missive – as I recall, we played over and above THEIR level on a couple of occasions last season. And us, with our resources, beating them, with theirs, made them the sweetest wins of all. Having supported an underdog football team for most of my life, I wouldn’t dream of taking that feeling away – it’s priceless. And isn’t that what sport is all about?

So what exactly is Mr Decker complaining about? That ‘pauper clubs’ are giving their poor club a ‘raw deal’ by having the bare-faced cheek not to be quite as good as they are, despite a massive lack of resource? Have Panthers fans even sat down and contemplated what their hockey experience would be like if purely the teams THEY deem to be appropriate were in the league? Who else, in reality, can sustain that level of financial outlay? Belfast, Sheffield, perhaps Coventry? A league of 3, maybe 4 teams? It’s an insane notion and I have no doubt that if they really considered it, Panthers fans would not want this. It’s not workable, and it would be unlikely to be attractive to import players let alone help to expand or improve the profile of our sport. It’s this sort of blinkered attitude that will get hockey fans exactly nowhere in their pursuit of a sustainable future for the sport and may ultimately cause the implosion of ice hockey at a professional level in the UK. And Mr Decker has the audacity to call US selfish.

So instead of complaining, what can we do? Honestly, I don’t know. I’m not professing to have the answers, I’m not even sure what all of the questions are. But one thing I know for certain is that sniping at each other is not a positive step. What makes ice hockey such a difficult sport to sustain at a high level in this country is also in part what makes it great: the feeling that we are all in it together, because it’s a minority sport. That desire to tell others about our great sport, to drag along a total newbie like myself and have them become as passionate about hockey as you are, cannot be an isolated feeling that only smaller team’s supporters experience? Because person by person, we can take small steps in the right direction. Fixing the problem as whole we may not be able to do – that would require more fundamental changes at a higher level and I confess I know little about that side of things, despite having gleaned some interesting insights during the latter half of last season. But the idea that individuals cannot make a difference has to be faulty logic in this sport – there are so few of us to begin with, in comparison with the really successful sports in our country, if we are all pulling in the same direction, surely it has to at least improve the situation?

My team is no longer in existence and yet myself, and plenty of my fellow supporters, have already been and will be journeying around the country to watch the sport we love this season and beyond, putting a few pounds in the pockets of YOUR club, but more importantly, into OUR sport. In the same way that two enforcers settle their differences on the ice, the differences we have supporting our own teams can be vehemently expressed during games, but surely can be put aside afterwards to work out how to move the sport forward in this country. And I’m speaking as a fan of Elite League Ice Hockey here, by the way. Not the Vipers. Us insufferable whingers don’t exist anymore, remember? I feel this way regardless of my allegiances. I want to support hockey. So I'm issuing an apology right now to the current Elite League clubs - sorry, but you're stuck with us. We'll whinge our way around the UK, and hopefully put the world to rights as we go. And maybe, just maybe, we might find a solution along the way. Together!

Time for this idealist optimist to shut her gob. See, I didn’t even say anything rude. Apparently it’s possible to make your point, however vague it might be, without insulting others. How's that for not playing down to your opponent's level.

On the Road Again…

Written for http://www.ukamericansportsfans.com/

My first match of the season involved a trip to Glasgow, home of the Braehead Clan, to view THEIR first match of the season, against the Dundee Stars. My partner is crime and I proudly wore our Vipers jerseys and garnered a fair few double takes around Braehead Arena as we took our seats, as Clan fans presumably wondered for a second if they had gone back in time to last season. However they couldn’t have been nicer to us. Hands were shaken, regrets expressed, and welcomes extended, and for that I would like to thank them. It reminded me once again of what a great community British ice hockey fans have built.

I was anticipating a close run game; of the four Scottish sides active in the Elite League this year, with the best will in the world, these are the only two who are likely to be really competitive in the league. Could one of the two step it up to compete with the big boys, rather than scrapping for seventh or eighth place? It was time to find out what they had in their respective tanks. Having played two games already I expected Dundee to be the more organised of the two sides, and more disciplined. I was quickly proven wrong.

Ooh look at the lovely shiny ice! And those proud moments just prior to face-off, on your first game of the season. Doesn’t it just get you right there (tap yourself near the heart now, please).

Bosh!

Wow. What a start to a season! The Clan boys had clearly had their spinach prior to the game – the phrase ‘all guns blazing’ barely covers it. Dundee simply weren’t ready and they bore the brunt of the fire that was burning under the Clan’s rear ends, players scattered left, right and centre by returner Kyle Bruce who was baying for blood. Bosh! The crowd flinched collectively in sympathy for his hapless victims before nodding, impressed. What a dude. New import Brock McPherson and Ryan Campbell also came out fighting and Braehead instantly put themselves on the map, their physicality too much for Dundee and surely enough to compete with the likes of Cardiff and Nottingham.

New boys and old combined to form some seriously strong attacking lines and Clan kept their shape well, the skill level not sacrificed for the sake of high intensity, and the goals came, two of them in the first period, the first from the stick of Vince Connon following a piece of incredible individual skill from former Panther Jade Galbraith, and the second scored on the breakaway by captain Jordan Krestanovich, who looks as though he is going to show his quality right from the off this season.

The second period things levelled out and the game became more competitive, Dundee pulling out all the stops to impose themselves on Braehead and interrupt their attacking flow. And it worked, to an extent. The period was scoreless and it looked as though the tides may be turning, Dundee’s two-game advantage starting to show. However going into the third period it was clear that something still needed work in the Stars’ camp. Repeated failed powerplay attempts left them looking completely clueless and it was no real surprise that Braehead took full advantage, scoring not one but two goals short-handed, the first of which an outstanding solo effort from Jim Jorgenson, who looks like a handy attacking defencemen and is definitely one to watch. The wheels came off then for Dundee, gaping holes in their defence exposed, and the game was pretty much over when Adam Walker scored the fifth with just 10 minutes left on the clock; it was something of an anti-climax from that point on.

Finntastic

Both netminders had their moments tonight; Dundee’s Chris Whitley soaked up much of Braehead’s early pressure but tired in the third and was switched out in a bid to halt the Clan’s rampant assault on his goal. On the other hand, brand spanking new goaltender Jaakko Suomalainen shone between the pipes for the Clan, his defences impenetrable, his speed and dexterity matched only by his awesome dress sense and the fact that he resembles the guitarist from a band I used to be in, and the fact his name was just written to be put in a song (think ‘hi ho silver lining’). The Finn vied with Krestanovich, Bruce and Galbraith as the game’s stand-out player and looks set to become a fan favourite in Glasgow.

Team Stripey

Maybe it’s because I’m technically a neutral now so my passions aren’t running as deep, but I genuinely thought the guys in black and white had a good game tonight, keeping a lid on the tensions and only missing one key decision (as far as my fledgling rules knowledge could see) – a case for boarding on Jim Jorgenson early in the third period – but other than that Hanson and his team did a solid job and left us considering our allegiances – perhaps now we don’t have a team we should invest in some black and white striped shirts and support the referees? They don’t get much love now, do they. Okay okay, it was just a thought – please stop throwing things at your screen.

Cuddles

Ah Jade Galbraith. How do I like to gently mock you? Let me count the ways: he has a girl’s name. He is fond of an all-you-can-eat buffet. And he clearly likes to have a good time, possibly to the detriment of his career (these are statements of fact, people, fact). I saw plenty of Mr Galbraith last season – it wasn’t hard, there’s plenty to see, after all – and there was never any denying his skill. He has it in spades, and if Clan fans were in any doubt about his commitment or whether or not he was really worth the money, he silenced them tonight. Well, actually the opposite. I’d say they seemed quite pleased with him, in fact. His part in the first goal was sublime, he had many moments of genius, and he even invented a new check, the figure-skating check, somehow taking out a Stars player with something akin to a triple toe loop. Frankly, he’s pure class. I’ll admit he’s not the most, um, athletic of gentlemen. In fact it could be said that he’s, well, a tad on the rotund side. Diplomatic enough? I think so. But he seems quite unconcerned by his ample abdominal area if truth be told, and I found myself hypnotically drawn to his protruding middle, much the same as I was drawn to a certain man’s beard last season. I have therefore made it my mission to get a Jade cuddle before this season is out.

I don’t intend to ask him for one of course, that would be far too easy. It will instead be a sort of attempted sneak attack. Possibly from behind. I will just have to really hope he appreciates the thought otherwise I might get a punch in the face. Watch this space. It won’t be empty for long.

Impressed, much?

So yeah. Braehead Clan. I am impressed. The test will come of course, when they face the likes of Belfast and Nottingham, but I was very encouraged by what I saw. They still have the not inconsiderable experience of Mike Bayrack to add to their ranks, the Canadian defenceman a late arrival due to visa complications. It was also unusual for us not to see Vipers’ own Sammy Zajac spending a good 30 minutes on the ice based on last season’s experience, but then we remembered that Clan have a full squad – luxury!! He didn’t ice for long on Saturday but made few mistakes and acquitted himself well; the lad should come on a bomb his season with the experience around him.

So that’s me. I told you I write a lot. I hope you found it at least mildly entertaining, and I will attempt to bring you more nuggets of wisdom in the weeks and months to come. As well as detailed reports of my progress in Mission: Cuddle Jade. See you soon!

What's goin' on 'ere then?

Oh hi, hockeylings! How are you? Fighting fit? I do hope so. Apologies for going MIA, I hope you didn’t suffer too much separation anxiety and you’ve managed to successfully navigate the opening weeks of the new Elite League season without me. I feel hopelessly out of touch having returned from a long holiday and will be spending a large portion of time watching highlights videos and reading gamecards in order to get up to speed with the goings on so far. It's going to be like a combination of repentance and unashamed geekery I’ve concluded the following so far, based on my ferretings around the interweb:

- Sheffield aren’t quite as good as normal
- Hull are better than normal
- Belfast are good but could be better
- Nottingham are better than expected much to everyone’s irritation. Sexy Neilson Hockey has not yet made an appearance
- Cardiff aren’t going to have a great season
- Brad Voth is still worthy of people going without shoes
- Edinburgh are sadly going to pick up where they left off
- Fife are going to be the plucky underdogs
- Coventry are going to be good
- Dundee have been quiet but could spring a few surprises
- Braehead haven’t started yet
- Lots of people have gotten themselves injured already
- There are two people called Brock Mc-something in the Elite Ice Hockey League
- This both amuses and confuses me

Erm, I don’t like to blow my own trumpet or anything (parp), but other than the first two points where I was a bit wide of the mark, I believe I predicted all of the above in my season previews!! GO ME! Okay so it wasn’t that hard bearing in mind most of those are vague statements and there’s a long way to go, but still. Yeah so I just articulated what most people were thinking, so what. I need to feel useful, or clever or something! I don’t have my own team to be clever about anymore!

While I'm thinking of my old team, there are two key clubs to watch if, like me, you’re still reminiscing about last season’s glorious highlights through Viper-tinted spectacles. First is Amiens in the French Ligue Magnus who have added Kyle Sibley and Jaroslaw Rzeszutko to their ranks, along with Nottingham Panthers’ Angel Nikolov. Second, and my tip for ‘random place to run away to when you're feeling a bit stalk-y’ are the Missouri Mavericks. They have not one, not two, but THREE Vipers from the 2010/11 season, Charlie Effinger, Toms Hartmanis and Dale Mahovsky (splitter), and definitely have me plotting my escape from the country, not that I fancy Missouri much as a place to live. It’s a bit dull. I’m sure they’ll have a rubbish time, in comparison with the delights of Whitley Bay. I'm not jealous, really.

As for the remaining members of last season’s Vipers team, a few of the Brits have made the long journey south to the Isle of Wight, Coach Danny has launched into his career with Fife Flyers with a vengeance, throwing down the gloves once already with Panther’s Steve Lee. John Schwarz, mysteriously, has quit hockey entirely, presumably to concentrate his efforts on advanced beard-growing. And speaking of beards it appears that Mike Prpich has been abducted by his, as he hasn’t been seen since April. And our very own Sammy Zajac will make his debut this Saturday night for Braehead. And I shall be in attendance, making my Elite League debut, on the very same night.

Based on a combination of factors as follows, in no particular order, I have developed a soft spot for Braehead:

(1) Location/cost; I love Glasgow as a city and it’s not too far on the train.
(2) Craic.
(3) Purpleness of jersey.
(4) By pure chance home games don’t begin until this weekend due to an ironic twist of fate involving one of my other beloved sports, tennis. This pleases me as it means I haven’t missed anything.
(5) They made up the other 50% of my first ever Elite League hockey experience.
(6) They, like me, are only a year old in hockey terms.
(7) They’ve got our Sammy. They’d better look after him!

So I’ve decided that they will be the lucky recipients of the vast proportion of my affections this season. It’s okay, Clan fans. I understand how thrilled you must be to have me on board and I’ll give you a moment to come to terms with the sheer awesomeness of the honour I am to bestow upon your club. In time you will come to get used to the inordinate levels of rambling I shower on the object of my affection.

I jest of course. It’s not going to be a bed of roses for either of us. Okay it won’t be easy at first. We’ll have to get used to each other. Like a new pair of shoes, the fit may not be perfect, or instant, but I hope we’ll take to one another and perhaps I can earn your affections. I’ll say this. It’s not going to be easy for me either. I want to commit to a new team (see my previous post in which I rant like a loon about needing to support SOMEBODY), but it doesn’t take away the uncomfortable, squirmy feeling I get when I think about wearing another team’s colours, or chanting another team’s name. It’s like some weird communal version of infidelity.

Those of you who have read me before will know that I’m prone to the odd over-dramatic extended metaphor. Those of you who haven’t are in for a bit of a surprise. Try reading my post 'Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today…’ (Jan 2011) if you want to know what I mean. But, I'm not exaggerating when I say I’m, like, a hockey widow! It's true! My first love (the Vipers) has died, so now I'm all alone and I need some company in this big wide world, y'know? Braehead, like, basically you're my new boyfriend. Um, yeah. Wow. This post is sliding swiftly downhill and I’m going to put a stop to it right now!

See you tomorrow Braehead fans! Please don't run away, I promise I'm not THAT weird! Everyone else, I shall post my thoughts on the weekend’s action around the league at some point next week – brace yourselves! It will be full of the stunning insight that watching only one hockey match so far this season can bestow!

Season Preview: Part 2

I bring you the conclusion to my team-by-team preview of the EIHL season ahead.

EDINBURGH CAPITALS

It’s been a fairly quiet summer for last season’s bottom-placed side. Signings have been few and far between, new imports have included some European talent – for the most part Slovakian, the most recognisable name one Sladok of the Hull Stingrays. Early on it seemed likely that the Caps would struggle again this season both on and off the ice, as their lack of finances prevented them from investing in the quality they need to launch a convincing bid for one of the league’s eight play-off spots. I’m sure I echo the sentiments of the vast majority when I say I really hope the season they put together can be more successful than their last and that they find themselves able to compete at a decent level. The big boys will certainly show no mercy.

One to watch: The recent acquisition of forward Richard Hartmann could be key for the Caps, the Slovakian has a good scoring record and years of experience in Slovakia which should be beneficial given the make-up of the current squad.
Predicted finish: Unfortunately I can’t foresee anything but a repeat of last season. 10th.
Fun fact: The Caps have this year signed what sounds a lot like a Slovakian comedy duo in Holecko and Valecko. This amuses me in a Slovakian sort of way. Slovakia.

FIFE FLYERS

It’s going to be hard not to like Fife. New to the league this season, the Kirkcaldy club are the oldest ice hockey club in the UK and have a great history, but the step up is going to be a tough one and the boys are really going to have their work cut out for them. Rumours have been rife of a lack of funds that may lead to them falling short of their full quota of imports, but evidence of this has not been forthcoming and although late to the party in terms of signings, Fife are catching up slowly as Todd Dutiaume attempts to construct a side capable of competing at this higher level. Everyone will be keen for the club to do well and looking out for early results as they find their feet, so here’s hoping the Fifelians (yes, yes, I did just make that up) are ready for what’s coming at them.

One to watch: Without the reigns of coach-dom holding him back, Danny Stewart will be able to unleash the player within, which believe it or not is actually a forward (Vipers fans were far more used to seeing the poor guy covering in defence). Check out his mad slapshot skills. GO COACH!!
Predicted finish: They will battle hard enough to avoid being the bottom of the pile: 9th.
Fun fact: Fife's inclusion in the Elite League is a triumph for Egnlish teachers nationwide as they become the only team to feature both alliteration AND assonance in their name! Shame about the lack of onomatopoeia to complete the trifecta of 'words I put in my GCSE Literature paper to score extra marks' but these things can't be helped.

HULL STINGRAYS

Hull have used their quota of imports to bring in a number of European players this season, along with re-signing some of their key players from the 2010/11 season including top scorer Jereme Tendler, netminder Christian Boucher and right wing Jason Silverthorn. They continue with Sylvain Cloutier at the helm as they look to consolidate on what was an unremarkable but in some ways unexpected 2010/11 season, their campaign having at one point been an impossibility as the club languished without an owner and looked set to be excluded from the League. Also added to the squad is a face well-known to British hockey fans in Derek Campbell, who completed a surprise switch from Sheffield, and long-term target Josh Mizerek.

One to watch: Josh Mizerek was set to take the captain’s armband at Hull last season before the club folded so he has plenty to prove and brings a wealth of experience along with him.
Predicted finish: Hull have added experience and physical presence to their side, but I’m not sure they will have the edge required to hit the top half of the league. 8th.
Fun fact: Stingrays are undoubtedly mean. The late great Steve Irwin can attest to that. But I think the dude on their logo looks quite beguiling, he's all smiley like. A lot like this guy:

'Mean? Who, me?' Okay I admit it. I've got nothing.

NOTTINGHAM PANTHERS

The play-off winners made their statement early on in the off-season, re-signing a number of key players from their 10/11 campaign, including highly rated netminder Craig Kowalski, and adding the services of Belfast’s Brandon Benedict and excellently named forward Scott Champagne. The East Midlands side features a sizeable chunk of the silver-medal winning GB squad and it cannot be argued that they boast the finest compliment of Brits of any Elite League side. They completed their line-up with tough guy blueliner Brock Wilson who has racked up a great deal of ECHL experience over the past few seasons and will add to the Panthers’ physical presence, already guaranteed by the re-signing of enforcer Guy Lepine.

However despite the stability that comes with keeping key elements of a team together, it can’t be denied they’ve lost two of their stars of last season in Billy Ryan and Jade Galbraith, and an immense amount of firepower with it. Will Benedict be able to step up to the plate in a way he couldn’t manage in Belfast last season? Perhaps, but regardless of this I feel that despite a strong and steady core the Panthers may lack flair this season and that combined with coach Corey Neilson’s notorious tactics will be their downfall.

One to watch: Danny Meyers. The Captain is always influential both on the blueline and for the team as a whole. Plus he wins at beards.
Predicted finish: 3rd
Fun fact: The Panthers’ 2010/11 season highlights DVD was entitled ‘Now that’s what I call Sexy Neilson Hockey’*. Further volumes of these ‘best of’ DVDs are expected on a bi-annual basis. Because Neilson Hockey is too sexy to fit on just one DVD.

*it wasn’t. But it should have been.

SHEFFIELD STEELERS

The Steelers are always a force to be reckoned with in the top tier of British hockey and more often than not turn out an assured, experienced team who are rarely out of the upper echelons of the league table. Last season’s Steelers team were undoubtedly strong, consistent and dominant but they lacked a certain je ne sais quoi. With Ryan Finnerty back at the club and taking the reins, I feel this will be put to rights this season. In his first season coaching Finner will be keen to make an impression and I believe he will mould his squad in his own image. His never-say-die attitude combined with a collection of quality import signings and a core of strong, committed Brits should inject the fizz and sparkle that was missing from their performances last season, and I am looking forward to seeing what they can produce on the ice. They will push hard to retain their league title and I think it will go down to the wire. Their biggest loss from the 2010/11 title-winning team was arguably rock-solid netminder Ervins Mustokovs, but in John DeCaro they have signed what on paper looks to be a worthy replacement.

One to watch: Colt King – one of the strongest import signings of any club this season, King’s extensive experience is going to lead to high expectation from Steelers fans. He’s not afraid of a fight either which will be handy following the loss of Derek Campbell.
Predicted finish: Sorry Simmsey – I think they’ll be pipped at the post by the Giants – 2nd.
Fun fact: If Dundee have the most amusingly named player, Steelers have undoubtedly the coolest named player in the league this year. Colt King. The man, the legend, the sawn-off shotgun?

...

So there's nothing more to say. I'm spent! And it's still only August! The season openers edge ever closer, only just over two weeks away now; I will shortly be heading out of the country on a fact-finding mission to North America (read: three week beer and sun-worshipping tour of South-West USA) and when I return the season will be in full swing. I'm practically salivating. Are you?

I am serious sports journalist, hear me roar

Right. There’s been far too much ‘ooh-ing’ and ‘aah-ing’ and whining and crying and namby-pamby, arty-farty, girly rubbish on this blog recently, and for that I apologise. We’re now at the business end of the summer and so finally, it’s time for me to put sentimentality aside and take an objective look at the coming season. Who’s looking good and who is struggling? Which signings have put the fear of god into the opposition? Who will I be paying my money to go and see next season? Have I learnt anything at all about hockey since last season, and can I pass myself off as a decent hockey writer? These and other questions are about to be answered as I engage in a team-by-team 2011/12 preview. Bold, ambitious, in several parts, and ultimately likely to result in a discussion about beards. But before I launch into roving reporter mode in an attempt to convince you all I’m worth taking seriously, I feel I must balance the factual with the juicy, the speculative and the downright contentious. I bring you:

MY SUMMARY OF THE SUMMER ACTION – AND BY THAT I MAINLY MEAN ‘GOSSIP’!!

There were juicy snippets in all possible areas of hockey life. It all started with a glorious performance by team GB in the Ukraine. After that, things got snipey. Owners bickered. Companies went into liquidation. New teams raised their status. Players became coaches, moved between English clubs, moved to Europe, moved back again. Coaches were staying, then going. Key imports were re-signed, lost and discovered. Hull and Edinburgh went Euro-centric. Giants got smaller. Mystery surrounded the whereabouts of Brad Voth. Shoes were put back on. Then taken off again when he was found. The hockey world acquired its very own Julian Assange. Dave Simms offended people. Rumour sites vied to bring the most accurate gossip, earliest. Dave Simms misled people on several occasions. Coventry started over having had half of their team retire. Danny Meyers had surgery and then declared he would put on a stone as if to compensate for the loss of Jade Galbraith in Nottingham. The shock move of the summer occurred involving the latter-named player. And Vipers fans became nomadic.

Okay enough of that. Now on with the facts! I’ll present the teams in two parts to break it down in an attempt to let my wisdom fully penetrate your brain-holes. But to keep things orderly, I’m going to do it in alphabetical order. Let’s do this thing!

BELFAST GIANTS

It seems to have become standard in recent years for the Northern Irish team to assemble a selection of players capable of contending for the league title but without an end product to speak of. Coach Doug Christiansen had his critics last season and despite boasting a roster of quality imports, honours were not forthcoming. But this season could be different. He has once again pulled together a mouth-watering selection of North Americans in what looks to be the strongest collection of imports of any team, even further bolstered by their decision to go with 11 imports, surely a statement of intent from Christiansen, and if the British players can raise their game and Christiansen can get his tactics right, I don’t see any reason they shouldn’t be top of the pile come March. The Giants are the team to beat this season and quite frankly on paper, the title looks theirs to lose. I for one cannot wait to see them in action.

One to watch: It has to be Adam Keefe. He’s created the most buzz over the last few weeks, isn’t afraid of a fight despite lacking in the height department, can put away a few goals it seems, and most importantly he looks just like that wrestler. You know the one. Er…
Predicted finish: I really think they can, and will, do it this season. 1st.
Fun fact: Belfast have possibly the shortest collection of players in ice hockey history, despite their name. This is ironic. Someone call Alanis Morrissette.

Is this the one I meant? I'm not even sure.

BRAEHEAD CLAN

The Clan have had a funny summer, opening with a couple of strong signings and then going quiet for a while. Plans went up in the air when coach Bruce Richardson, who had already committed his future to the club for the forthcoming season, changed his mind and decided to leave for a job in North America. Rumours as to his replacement rumbled through July and were finally quelled with the appointment of Drew Bannister, who spent part of last season in Hull and brings with him a wealth of experience. Bannister slapped his cards on the table almost immediately as in one of the most surprising moves of the summer, he secured the signature of Panther’s star man Jade Galbraith. Then they went quiet again and remain so with a number of players yet to be announced. There seems to have been unrest bubbling under the surface all summer over off-ice matters and it remains to be seen if this will have any effect on the on-ice product this season. I also can’t fail to point out that the Clan are now in possession of one Samuel L Zajac (middle initial actually unknown), formerly of the Vipers of Newcastle. They’d better look after him or there’ll be trouble. Mainly from him.

One to watch: Jade Galbraith will rule the roost in Glasgow and continue to frustrate defences up and down the land.
Predicted finish: 6th
Fun fact: In hockey terms, I have the most in common with the Clan, as we are both one year old! For this and other reasons, I will mainly be following this team for the 2011/12 season.

CARDIFF DEVILS

The Devils absolutely stormed the 2010/11 season and were desperately unlucky to walk away with no silverware to show for it. I’m sorry to say I don’t think they will repeat the heroics of last season this time around. Despite retaining the services of influential American forward Scott Matzka after a will-he-won’t-he move to France collapsed at the 11th hour, the Devils have sustained arguably the biggest losses of any Elite League side following the departures of Ryan Finnerty, Tylor Michel, Craig Weller and top-scorer Jon Pelle. Gerad Adams has added strength to his side with the signing of defencemen Chris Frank, and talisman Brad Voth announced he would see out his career in Cardiff this season, spending an seventh consecutive year with the Devils, but they are going to have to rely on the combined fire-power of returners Matzka and Max Birbraer to have a hope of competing with the likes of Belfast this season.

One to watch: Scott Matzka. Guy needs to step up to the plate this season and provide serious amounts of goals to give the Welsh side any hope of contending,
Predicted finish: Sorry to say, I cannot see them finishing higher than 5th (Note, I originally wrote this on 4th August BEFORE Simmsey made this prediction).
Fun fact: Cardiff is in Wales! That’s a whole other country! They talk funny there. And they have a fantastic set of fans!

COVENTRY BLAZE

Along with Panthers, Blaze were one of the teams who chose to show their cards early in the off-season, more through necessity than choice as a significant complement of their core had made the decision to retire from the sport. They signed a number of quality imports early on including former Newcastle Viper, Slovenian Matic Kralj and Canadian starlet Shea Guthrie. They have assembled a good range of players and look set to mount a more significant challenge on the bigger sides than they did in their disappointing 10/11 season. They are an exciting and dynamic prospect and will be a real handful this season.

One to watch: Shea Guthrie is a young talent who promises much. One of the players I’m most looking forward to seeing in action, he has size, speed and skill on his side.
Predicted finish: Blaze will do better this season with their young, dynamic side, and could give the likes of Nottingham a real run for their money. 4th.
Fun fact: Americans call Coventry ‘Cuventry’. If I was a Blaze fan I’d be hard pushed not to correct them every time they said that. I suppose I should be grateful there isn’t a team in Birming-HAM.

DUNDEE STARS

Dundee have flown under the radar this summer in terms of gossip, signings and general goings-on, but that’s not to say the wheels haven’t been turning in the chilly outer reaches of Scotland (well, okay, it’s not THAT far away – but it’s the furthest north of all the Elite League clubs!) Player coach Dan Ceman has played his cards close to his chest and has quietly gone about building up his squad, bolstering the Stars’ ranks with a solid selection of players, both British and import. They could be a dark horse in this year’s race, and I certainly feel they will improve on last year, and will definitely not have a scrap on their hands to make a play-off spot.

TWO to watch: Either Jarrett Konkle with his extensive experience in North America or Dan McGoff, the speedy offensive defenceman fresh from the Dutch league, could be the key players for the Stars this season.
Predicted finish: 7th
Fun fact: Dundee have continued in their quest to sign the most amusingly named hockey players in the land with the arrival of Konkle, who sounds like a cross between a large nose and a shell, and automatically rockets to top spot in the Amusing Names list, just edging out Panthers new boy Scott Champagne

Join me for the remaining 5 teams in tomorrow's post, good people of Hockey-land!

Tap, tap… Is this thing on?

Hello? Hellooooo? Here perhaps you could visualise me yawning and stretching, as I uncurl myself from my summer-shaped box and climb carefully back out into the world of British ice hockey.

And it’s a strangely barren world I find myself in. I’m used to football pre-season. It is, as a rule, very dull; the comings and goings of the transfer market serve to punctuate the brief but persistent void where football once was, providing some talking points in the absence of any real news. The announcement of the new season’s fixtures comes and goes in a flurry of non-news; if there was actual sport going on no-one would give a care as to the arresting discovery that Blackburn are away to newly promoted Swansea on the third weekend in November. But without the real thing on tap, it’s something to talk about. Tennis helps, when it’s on. As does athletics, and cricket. For the rest of the time, thumbs are twiddled, holidays partaken of, tabloid headlines featuring Premiership footballers gasped at, and life just generally got on with, safe in the knowledge that the continuation of life as a supporter of your particular team will continue in just two short months.

This is my first off-season as an ice hockey fan. And it’s already been found wanting. Wanting, most significantly, of a team. In my 20-odd years as a football supporter I’ve never experienced an aching void quite like this and I hope I never will. Not only is the season over – a fact which in itself I could cope with without too much of a problem – it IS summer, after all, and somehow gathering in a chilly ice rink when it’s 23 degrees outside seems as though it might be a bit odd – but I am now without a place in the world of the sport I love. It feels a bit like going back to former place of work to say hello to old colleagues, but when you walk into the office, it’s full of people you’ve never seen before. There’s that awkward moment of feeling as though, in your head at least, you still belong in this place. But nothing to cling onto to back up that notion. I’m metaphorically homeless. A bit of a pisser, as I was totally up to date with my mortgage repayments, I swears it, guv’nor.

So there’s no transfer news for us marooned Vipers fans, and no speculating over fixtures, or jerseys, or rinks, or owners. There’s just… Nothing. But defiance reigns among the faithful. We DO still belong here! We WON’T go quietly! And okay, we may not have a team THIS season. But we’ll be back in the future. Maybe. And in the meantime, the rest of you are just going to have to put up with us! Cue the impending arrival of the Viper Nomads in YOUR ice rink. A band of merry travellers intent on keeping the memory of the Vipers alive, visiting the homes of the other Elite League clubs in order to get their fix of top level hockey. It’s a temporary measure. And it will have to do. But you can be damn sure we will have fun in the process.

Well, what else am I supposed to fill the void with?

The whole thing has been just another surreal turn in the rollercoaster journey I’ve been strapped into since my first day as an ice hockey fan. And it got me thinking about the nature of being a fan. How do you choose a team when you start to follow a new sport? In adulthood at least, it can only be an arbitrary process, in stark contrast for example with the meaningful team-selections of childhood, which are less of a choice and more of an organic acceptance of the preferences of those most influential in your life, like a form of osmosis.

With football for me, for example, my selection was never in doubt. My football team is as inbred in me as my larger than average feet and my freakish ability to independently wiggle my ears. I was cheering for Watford before I even had the vaguest concept of what it meant. All I knew was, there were some men on a patch of grass, and a ball, and sometimes it made my Dad very happy. This consequently made me very happy. Therefore, Watford (or as I knew them back in those days, ‘youworns’) were good. As I grew into them they became embedded in my psyche. The reasons were simple: I lived there. My Dad supported them. They were my first experience of live football. They wore shiny colours and were really nice. I grew up with them, and they are as much a part of me as anything else I have lived with my entire life, like the odd lump on my right ear or my sticky out spine.

With hockey it was a bit different. No. A LOT different. I’d lived in Newcastle for six years and hadn’t shown the slightest inclination to start supporting Newcastle United, or Falcons, or any of the other local sports teams. So it wasn’t really the local connection. I put it down to the first experience thing. A bit like how a duckling will attach itself to the first live creature it sees when it is born, even if that creature happens to be a cat, or a llama. I saw them, and that was it. They imprinted on me, and I became their willing devotee. I could have chosen a team that were actually, well, good. I’d only been supporting them a couple of weeks, couldn’t I just switch allegiances? It’s not like my family supported them, or I had a whole host of friends to go to matches with (because I didn’t originally). And they really were quite poor at that stage. But to use another fitting analogy, it’s like giving birth to an ugly baby. You can gaze longingly at the perfect little angels in the cribs next to your mini Winston Churchill, and wistfully imagine what it would have been like if you had had one of those. But as wrinkly and pug-nosed as your disappointing offspring may be, it’s your disappointing offspring, and you literally couldn’t love them any more if you tried, however hideously disfigured they might be.

So to conclude, either the Vipers were my children, or they were my mother. I became quite concerned at that point as to the nature of that particular train of thought, as, I believe, would Freud have been were he to have psychoanalysed me at that point in time. But I digress.

I hope you’ve understood the general thrust of the slightly disturbing extended metaphor, and that it makes plain my current plight: WHO am I going to support next season? Because I couldn’t watch a sport with impassionate objectivity. It’s not in my nature. Is it in anyone’s?! I HAVE to support SOMEONE, in EVERYTHING. I can’t watch a football match, or a 100m race, or even archery in the Olympics, without backing someone. In international sports it often defaults to the British person. But not solely: in sport like tennis or athletics, I support the person who is passionate, wears their heart on their sleeve, or is just an all-round good egg. I champion passion, dedication and guts above all else – how can you fail to love a person or team who gives it their all? It’s the reason why last season’s Vipers team were just so perfect to me in the end, despite their apparent lack of quality when stacking up against the big guns (and it’s why I loathe the England football team in their current incarnation, aside from any patriotism, with all their preening, whining, philandering amoebic dysentery. But that's another blog post for another time).

So I’ve turned this current problem over in my mind a numerous occasions, and I’ve managed to narrow it down. I’ll leave you on that cliff-hanger and take my leave for now. But don’t go far – I’ll be back next week with my team-by-team season previews. It will be TOTALLY informative and thought-provoking. As if it would be anything else! Until next time, my pretties. Over and out!

Greetings hockeylings!

Hello!

For those of you who haven’t read me before, my name is Katy, and I spent the best part of the 2010/11 hockey season falling deeply in love ice hockey and writing about my burgeoning affection and all its irrational nuances on this here blog. Which back then, was called ‘Confessions of a Hockey Novice’. Note the update. I am now a Hockey Nomad. This change was borne out of necessity following the loss of my beloved team, the Newcastle Vipers, but also as I now feel ready to shed my training wheels and go forth into the world of ice hockey to spread my love amongst anyone who is willing to listen. If it sounds a bit squelchy, I do apologise.

I hope you will come with me on the next stage of my journey. It will be mainly concentrating on the Elite League, and in the absence of a regular team to support it will comprise much conjecture and opinionating, at least 33% of which will be based on fact. The remaining 67% will be based on such fripperies as beard-length, celebrity lookalikes, gentle ribbing at the expense of anyone and everyone involved in the Elite League, and pure fantasy.

My disclaimer for anyone new to my hockey writing is this: I waffle. A lot. But there’s always a point in there somewhere, if you have a decent metaphorical spade to dig it out with. I obsess over facial hair. I am fascinated by violence. I am far too giving of my affection and as a result, I get far too attached to things. And I’m prone to the odd terrible illustration or superhero-related cartoon. But if you’ll forgive me these mild mental conditions, I’m sure we’ll all get along famously. (In short, please don’t leave me! It’s cold enough in here without a team let alone without any hits on my website!)

So without further ado I will move onto my first post of the new season. Even though the season hasn’t started yet. Come now, let’s not be picky. I have much speculation and idle gossip to impart! But first, a post about the nature of being a sports fan. Aaaaand.... GO!

The Last Wordle...

Click for full size...

I’m too old for all this – a review of the Elite League Play-off Weekend

And so it all came down to this: one weekend, four teams, a shedload of hockey fans and one hockey novice, about to get her stripes. Please forgive the lack of clarity in this blog post; a couple of weeks back, I was informed by a rather wise friend of mine that I would take my first experience of play-off weekend to the grave. I had been looking forward to it for a while but I didn’t fathom quite how good it would be, and quite how right said wise person was. This is the story of how it all went down, from start to finish – if it goes even a quarter of the way to summing up what an amazing weekend it was, then I’ll have done my job.

It began on Friday night with a visit to a few of Nottingham’s fine drinking establishments (funnily enough, where the majority of the weekend was located) with the strong contingent of Vipers fans who had made the journey south. Spirits were high and fans mingled, old friends and new from all ten of the Elite League clubs preparing for a weekend of hockey-based goodness. Vipers fans were given an extra boost when news reached the Bunkers Hill Inn that Danny Stewart had won the Coach of the Year award at the Elite League awards dinner across the city. We all went nuts. I can’t think of anyone more deserving of an award and it’s testament to the extraordinary hard work that he and all of our amazing team put in all season. I’ll save it for another blog post, but it’s funny how quickly you can fall in love with something, and I was truly proud to say I was a Viper at play-offs, despite everything that went down this season. It felt like a badge of honour to be associated with such an amazing club and group of players, staff and fans. But I digress…

So THAT’S what hockey’s supposed to look like

Saturday morning saw another first for me, as I braved a trip inside a bookies for the first time ever, to put money on the two teams I believed would make it to the final. I was quite proud of myself, and quietly confident I had backed the winning horses. Then it was time to get down to business. Hockey fans from across the UK took their seats in the National Ice Centre/Capital FM Arena/whatever it's called, and the excitement built on all sides as whether or not their teams were involved, all the groups of fans were ready to have a good time. It was quite something to see so many fans from different teams side by side in an arena, and reminded me again what an excellent sport ice hockey is. The whole experience was quite over-whelming and had the Vipers by some miracle made it to that stage of the competition I think I would have been a bit of a mess around that point.

The first semi-final was between Nottingham Panthers and Sheffield Steelers, the much-vaunted local rivalry about to be put to the test. It was generally agreed in discussion with other fans that the second semi-final was likely to be the better of the two, however we were forced to eat our words very quickly. The first period kicked off in style. It was fast-paced and unforgiving; Sheffield scored two early goals but the Panthers were in no mood to roll over and they dug deep, hitting the Steelers hard. Rob Bellamy amongst others had a great first period, and both teams landed some of the hardest hits I’ve seen in the Elite League all season. It was a very tasty match-up and the Panthers hit back in style with some fantastic attacking hockey (they base themselves on the Detroit Redwings don’t you know) and they pulled back two swift equalising goals.

The game was chippy and threatened to boil over but a solid refereeing performance from Mike Hicks ensured that proceedings remained tough but clean. One of the season’s remaining mysteries was also cleared up for me as the announcer provided a full and frank explanation of how to pronounce the surname of Panthers forward Daniel Tkaczuk (you know I just had to check the EIHL website three times to get the spelling right there and I’m still not sure about it!). Apparently you just sneeze. Good to know. If you haven’t got a cold at the time, just call him Dan. The announcer caused quite a few raised eyebrows over the weekend for misheard calls and later on in the game I'm quite certain that Derek Campbell received a two minute penalty for cooking.

Bless you!

Things simmered down in the second period as both teams were a little more cagey, neither wanting to make a mistake and both netminders staying solid. It lacked the intensity of the first period as perhaps players as well as fans started to feel the effects of the night before. The fans of the two teams involved were surprisingly quiet, adrenaline finally giving way to nerves, but the Cardiff Devils fans more than made up for them with some exceptional renditions of Delilah and Don’t Stop Me Now, which were enjoyed by all present. Vinnie the Viper also turned up to rapturous applause.

Throughout the game the Panthers seemed to be suffering from a potent strain of a disease well-known to Vipers fans this season of ‘forgetting we’re on the powerplay-itis’ and they failed to capitalise on some golden opportunities, but the Steelers weren’t much better and we moved into the third with the game in danger of fizzling out and once again failing to live up to the potential that a so-called local derby should provide. However there was more drama in store as Panthers gave away a penalty shot which Steelers player coach Ben Simon proceeded to miss. There was also a moment of light relief from Panthers' 45 Stephen Lee as he attempted a hip check on a Steeler only to miss entirely, bash the boards with his bottom and almost fall over. Comedy gold. The game picked up tempo again thankfully, and Jeff Heerema scored a breathtaking goal seemingly out of nowhere to pile the pressure back onto the League title holders. They were unfazed however and the equaliser came almost immediately from the stick of Ben Simon, making up for his earlier miss and bringing us back to stalemate.

It seemed almost inevitable at that point that the game would go into overtime and that it did. All eyes were once again on two of the most talked about netminders of the season, Craig ‘K-Wall’ Kowalski and Ervins ‘Moose’ Mustokovs. Perhaps this tie would be decided by at outstanding display of goalkeeping. But it was not to be. Instead, despite an incredible season, a rare mistake from Mustokovs was what eventually split the teams, the pressure finally causing his demise, promising British youngster Rob Lachowicz firing home to finish the tie less than two minutes into overtime. The Panthers went crazy. The Steelers would have to be content with the small matter of the League title.

Oh, and in case you were wondering – that was my bet scratched, already.

Selling the Vipers, and Belfast’s demise

Following the match we visited The Castle pub, which was home between matches for the weekend and discussion turned to the Vipers’ future, yet more uncertainty surrounding our beloved club thanks to a controversial article in one of the local papers in which former owner Paddy O’Connor claimed still to be in charge of the club. After a healthy debate we decided to take matters into our own hands and approached Sheffield and Cardiff owner Paul Ragan to make him an offer he couldn’t refuse. Kev would buy him a pint, if he bought the Vipers. It seemed like a fair compromise all round and we were seconds away from inking the deal when we realised it was time to make tracks for the second semi-final, but watch this space. The man’s clearly got his head screwed on, and who wouldn’t be swayed by the offer of a chilled beverage in exchange for ownership of clearly the most passionate club in the country.

Everyone was psyched for the second semi-final as it featured possibly the two most exciting teams of the season and promised to be a fantastic match-up. It seemed to be universally agreed that whoever won this game, would be carrying the support of all but the Panthers fans in Sunday’s final. I was torn over who to support on the night; I felt that the Devils deserved something from their storming season, but I have a soft spot for the Giants after my trip to Belfast. The Devils drew first blood however; a shocking defensive error from one of the Giants D-men (whose identity escapes me) as he back-passed across the face of goal allowing Tylor Michel to put the Devils on the scoresheet, and this proceeded to light a fire under Cardiff’s collective behind. They quickly went on and scored a second goal, short-handed, and it looked ominous for the Giants who just hadn’t turned up at all. It seemed as though it could be a rout as Devils launched wave after wave of attack, whilst their netminder Stevie Lyle was a rock at the crease, stopping everything Belfast threw at him. They were flying and Belfast were clueless as to how to get around them, despite deploying Mike Hoffman as a forward at one point, or so it seemed, the strategy nearly working as it was about the only time when Belfast seemed to wake up. For all the talent in their line-up something just didn’t click for them on Saturday and it is hard to pick out any particular offenders although Josh Prudden had a bit of a nightmare, and not one forward line packed any punch. They had no end product, despite having 5 on 3 on more than one occasion, although it may be testament to the Devils’ effective penalty kill. There was no shortage of star men for the Devils but Captain Ryan Finnerty just stood out above the rest; he comes across as a real heart-on-sleeve kind of player, and he never stopped working for a moment. Craig Weller also showed his class on the day.

A picture paints a thousand words. One of them is 'steady'.

Cardiff did not take Belfast apart in quite the way many expected after their dominance in the first period, but they were always in control and Belfast never really threatened to come back into it. The game sadly did not live up to expectations, but confidence was high for the final as it was to be fought out between the two teams who had provided the most entertainment during the weekend thusfar.

The Final Countdown, and The Aftermath

The final day began with an under-19 international between England and Scotland. The number of empty seats spoke of the celebrations that had gone before and we made the most of the space by moving next to centre ice for a fantastic view of the action. There was interest in the Panthers section of the crowd as various Panthers players passed in and out of the rink, waving and signing autographs like the minor celebrities they clearly are in the Nottingham area. The game itself started out slowly but England were always on top. Support was muted despite a spirited effort from the rambunctious Braehead Clan fans who made their presence felt all weekend. Local interest for Vipers fans centred on Callum Davies, the Northern Stars forward who iced for our team a number of times towards the end of the season and put in a sterling effort. His Stars and Vipers team-mate, Elite League Defenceman Dan Pye (DAN PYE!) was present to support his colleague and took a fair amount of good-natured abuse from certain members of the Vipers crew throughout the weekend, but he took it all in his stride, so good on him.

Once England started scoring there was no stopping them, and they finally racked up double figures just before the game drew to a close. It had been an entertaining contest with some good episodes of play from England, some great shows of talent from a few individual players and a good dose of conflict also.

And so we had a few hours to kill before the final game of the season would be upon us, and the atmosphere was building in and around the rink and its surrounding drinking establishments. I’d love to give you a blow-by-blow account of the final but I’ll be honest, everything was a bit of a blur by then. The atmosphere was great – being right next to the Devils’ block we really felt like part of the action, although it has to be said it felt very, very wrong chanting another team’s name, so I reverted to clapping only, but I was with the Devils all the way. The presence of the Sky TV cameras was felt and not in a good way, as the so-called ‘prompt’ 4:00pm face-off was delayed by around 20 minutes, presumably in order for them to lever in a good selection of ad breaks, leaving the players standing around waiting and the hapless rink announcer struggling to fill the time. Sky: selfless dedication to ramming themselves firmly up the rear end of otherwise perfectly successful sporting events and jumping up and down shouting ‘look at us’ for the last twenty-odd years. Thank you VERY much. Just so long as you can shoehorn in one last round of Go Compare, eh, chaps.

The final featured high quality hockey from the outset and had no shortage of thrills and spills. A monumental hit on Angel Nikolov by Brad Voth was wrongly called for interference and is one that demands to be watched again on the replay. Voth himself was subject of one of a number of play-off rumours that floated about across the weekend as the gossip train did the rounds of the hockey pubs. Apparently after six great years with Cardiff he will shortly be on his way back home to hang up his skates and become a farmer. I must stress however that that rumour is as yet unconfirmed. Although I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy the image of him in a straw hat, leaning on a fork chewing a piece of hay and patting a nice firm cow on the buttocks. Ah, Bradley.

Cardiff took control of the game early on as they had against Belfast, striking twice in the first period with a single goal from Beauregard coming in reply for the Panthers. But the Challenge Cup holders did not let Cardiff build up too much of a head of steam and they sneaked back into the game, ending the second period trailing by just one goal. It came down to the final period to decide who would lift the trophy and once again it was up to the two netminders, but in a cruel twist of fate after his heroics in the semi-final, Stevie Lyle was found wanting, as K-Wall came into his own, shutting out the Devils for the full final period, and in turn allowing his team to go on and score two goals, one of which was caused by an error from Lyle, in order to take the lead. Despite the Devils’ best efforts, they were thwarted in every respect, Scott Matzka receiving a game misconduct as he lost the plot with just over two minutes to go, and Devils' talisman and player of the weekend for me, Ryan Finnerty, being sent to the bench for the final minute of the match. It was the final straw and took the wind right out of the Cardiff's sails, and the Panthers were able to stand firm and power through to take the trophy.

Danny Meyers: Winning at Playoff Beards

It was a disappointing result for many of the fans in the arena with no love lost for the big-spending Panthers and their annoyingly successful departure from Sexy Neilson Hockey, but they deserved their celebrations on the day and as Danny Meyers lifted the trophy for the victors, having been one of the three key men for his team in the match (after Kowalski and Beauregard) and also lifting the Parles Cup for most impressive play-off beard in a weekend that had so far sadly lacked in general beard-age (Mike Prpich would SO have shown this lot of part-timers what was what), we filed out and back to the pub to dissect the game that was, and to engage in a number of raucous activities in no small part sponsored by fermented apple products. I couldn’t possibly go into detail about the events of that night (mainly as I can’t remember most of them) but highlights include a late-night press conference, dropped pints, switching of team allegiances, Sambuca, much love from all the clubs to the Vipers and back, and countless rounds of highly amusing and at times mildly offensive chanting with the hockey fans of the UK, all of whom came together to enjoy one final night of banter and good times to say goodbye to the season that had been.

And so on Monday morning we said goodbye to Nottingham with heavy hearts, eyelids and suitcases and made our way home, uncertain in the knowledge of what the future may hold for our club or for British Ice Hockey in general. The hardcore among us made our way to the pub for a final drink or three before staggering home to reacquaint ourselves with our own beds, and early nights. This hockey season has been one hell of an incredible journey and I can safely say that I am not the same person at the end of it as the one I was at the beginning. I started the post with a quote from one wise friend and I’ll end it with one from another: ‘hockey is the best and worst thing that will ever happen to you’, and that is something that I can completely relate to now. It's taken over my life, trashing its way through my heart, soul, mental health and bank account, but I honestly wouldn't have it any other way. All I can say with any certainty is that whatever happens, I will be first at the bar at next year’s play-offs. See you all there, and hopefully many times in between.

Only playoff weekend could end with a head on a tray. Goodnight everybody!

Game photos courtesy of Paul Lynch Photography

Head on a Tray photo courtesy of Kevin Pope

Newcastle Vipers 2010/11: A Season in Review (or more accurately, a woman in disarray)

Some things have come to light over the last few days that have made me realise that in about 5 days’ time, I am going to be in serious trouble. What do we know about me already? That I’m a shameless beard-obsessed stalker with a southern accent, a penchant for large defencemen and fermented apple drinks, and a tendency to ramble on nonsensically. We also know from experience that I have numerous dependency issues, and these are what concern me. I have just experienced my first weekend in quite a significant length of time W.O.H.: With. Out. Hockey. And I didn’t like it. It was weird. And wrong. I sat around the house like a petulant teenager declaring everything to be 'boring'. Thankfully this weekend I have play-offs to look forward to but after that… what? The approaching void of the summer is looming large and I need to figure out something to fill it with, and fast. Here are the ideas I have come up with so far:

- Take up tennis/martial arts/marathon running/competitive cookie-baking (let's just re-cap on those thoughts - acceptable/dangerous/foolish/winning).

- Reverse hibernation. Wake me up in September? (A good idea in theory, but conversely I really like the sun)

- Actually learn to skate. (Being at Whitley Bay all the time probably wouldn’t be great for my mental health however).

- Do something mind-expanding. Like reading a… what are those paper things called with all the words in again? One of them, anyway.

- Take up amateur dramatics. I could so tread the boards, darling. Or I could express myself through the medium of contemporary dance. Or mime. Oh dear lord, anything but mime.

- Start gambling obsessively. (My dependent nature would really lend itself to this one! Any tips?)

Yes. As you can see, I haven’t gotten particularly far. But honestly, if I don’t find something of substance to occupy my mind, things could get messy in the cranial department. And that will probably result in me running away to Canada. Actually, there are no drawbacks to that plan. For now, at least, I will continue to indulge myself. Far from being ready to let go of the season that was, I have scraped together some final thoughts and ramblings of mine on the players, the season and the Vipers in general to finish on what I hope will be a slightly cheerier, if not more erratic, note than last week. Then I will let them go gracefully. And come back to you next week with news of Devils, Giants, Steelers and Panthers. Yes, it’s going to be an epic weekend in Nottingham. I can see the headlines now as I go MIA. ‘Katy Parles, Champion Beard Hunter! Last seen rampaging through the National Ice Centre screeching about play-off beards.’ Honestly, it was hard enough to cope with successfully blogging the comings and goings of ONE beard (enigmatic as said beard was). But play-offs actually have beards named after them! And ALL the players grow them. I’m going to have some kind of cardiac episode, I’m quite certain of it.

So what about this season then? Turbulent is probably an apt word. In fact, it had more ups and downs than a spritely gymnast after a crate-full of Red Bull, on a pogo stick, on a trampoline. Here is my summary of the season, in less than 300 words. It features some of my personal highlights and memories, and I hope it will remind you of some of yours.

The beginnings – feeling like an infant, instantly falling in love, the hyperactive fly effect… Chewiiiie… learning the offside rule again… skating face first… Dale Mahovsky’s teeth… Scott Langdon – ‘chippy’… Sammy taking on Brad Voth (Behemoth)… Drive for Five… Alex Penner being psychotic… my first ever hockey jersey… third period collapses… bench clearance in Coventry… the turning point – Danny’s Dozen beating Coventry at home… CHARLIE! CHARLIE CHARLIE!... cheating on football with ice hockey… double figures over Dundee… financial peril – and lots of it… stupid superstitions… ice hockey community spirit... the mass exodus in December - of players AND hair… the relief of finding out we would last the season… that win in Belfast… TWO wins over Nottingham – now that’s what I call Sexy Neilson Hockey… THAT goal by John Schwarz… Mike Prpich’s beard… and the continuing hunt for it… Danny’s slapshot… Ninja Rzeszutko… Hartmanis’ speed… wanting to mother hockey players… not enough D men… innuendos in the corporate lounge… Sammy's gonna get ya… learning Geordie... Dean Holland – the People’s Choice… Dan Pye massive, learning to shout at match officials… HAVING to shout at them – a lot… learning just about everything else I know about ice hockey (thanks Kev!)… making some great friends, the cider, the laughs, the dancing, the gossip, the nonsense, the chants… ‘howaaaay’… the Effinger Pounce… discovering Rockies bar... Big Friendly Giants... Whitley Bay love... tears and cheers... Dundee being smelly... saying goodbye in style – We’ll Meet Again

To add to his ever-growing list of skills (which mainly features various outstanding hair-sprouting abilities), Mike Prpich can add the ability to grow a Dundee Stars player from his back. Impressive stuff.

I told you this was going to be erratic.

Bearing in mind how lost I was after the departure of Dale Mahovsky, I am concerned about my emotional well-being now, as I’ve become so fond of all of our players, it’s like losing him 10 times over. Except worse, as I’ve had an extra three months to become attached to them. Each and every one of those players is dear to me and will always have a special place in my heart. Aww. Group hug.

Even though they are all destined to go their separate ways in the coming weeks, and I have to resist the overwhelming urge to sort of round them up and put them in a pen, like a collection of wayward sheep, I will graciously let them run free in the world, but not before first spending some time remembering these wonderful individuals who made our season what it was. I’ll start with those who didn’t complete the season, before moving onto thank the stalwarts (really, is ice hockey so fleeting and ephemeral that sticking around in one place for seven months classes as a long-term commitment? That’s a whinge for another blog post. Anyway, on with the show…)

One of my favourite photos of the season. So worrying, I do not have a single amusing caption to go with it. But please note, there are three hockey players in this photo. Two of them are Vipers. Can you spot them?

To the dearly departed…

Rob Wilson – like ships in the night, our paths never crossed. Please insert relevant comment here: _____________________________________

Blair Stayzer – tall, dark, tanned and lazy, he was ice hockey’s equivalent of David Dickinson, playing ice hockey.

Scott Langdon – sing along: 'he’s big, he’s hard, he left us short in defence to go back to North America which was a bit rubbish but never mind…'? Work with me here, people.

Dan Speer – showed signs of life at times but didn't seem to gel. It’s fine Dan, we get it. Not everyone appreciates the beauty of a good stottie or a fine ice facility such as Whitley Bay.

Nathan Salem – did not play much of a role before heading off to play for the Northern Stars.

Nick Duff – like a ghost at a sceptic seance, he never appeared.

Jamie Carroll – good dude. Couldn’t shake the feeling that at any moment he might stop skating, throw down his helmet and bust out a version of ‘The Real Slim Shady’, though.

Dale Mahovsky – the dirty, dirty splitter (it’s fine. I’m SO over him. I didn’t nearly go on strike when they gave the number 91 jersey to someone else or anything. Nope).

Patrik Forsbacka – sneaked out the back door like the big Finnish wookie-alike sneaker that he is. I shake my fist at him. And then run away.

And to those who stayed ‘til the bitter end…

Charlie Effinger – what can I say about Charlie other than CHARLIE! CHARLIE! CHARLIE! Most improved player, netminder extraordinaire and the heart and soul of the team.

Liam McAllister – a worthy back-up to Charlie and a cheeky chappy to boot. Guy likes to eat a lot of sandwiches.

Kyle Sibley – teeny, tiny, super-speedy, likes to attack from defence. He’s the Ashley Cole of the Vipers. Except not a massive idiot.

John Schwarz – had an interesting season which started out fairly anonymously, had a bit of injury in the middle and then he became an immense paragon of awesomeness. Goal against Panthers was the highlight of the season. Then he got injured (again). And morphed into a younger version of Fabio Capello.

Sammy Zajac – heart of a lion in the body of a ferret. Or something along those lines. No-one worked harder. Or fought more people over three times their size. Dude.

Danny Stewart – played almost a full season out of position and had some hairy (ish!) moments as a result, but more than made up for it with his tenacity, never-say-die attitude and coaching awesomeness.

Mike Prpich – together we embarked on a journey of beard-worship that transcended space and time. But it appears that after starting in a blaze of bearded glory, he has chosen to end the season without the blessed thing. It was last seen swiftly exiting the building wearing a disguise. Come to think of it, what would a beard wear as a disguise, do you think? A face?! Farewell, sweet beard! ‘Til we meet again!

Jaroslaw Rzeszutko – Ninja. What else can be said about this guy. Super-fast goal-machine. People couldn’t spell his name. I hope he didn’t mind too much.

Toms Hartmanis – incredible skater, great forward. Between him, Jaro and Prpich they almost single-handedly ensured we scored some goals. Thank goodness.

Dean Holland – the People’s Choice.

Paul Sample – Vipers Captain, a fairly quiet season but he steadied the ship and led from the front.

Jamie Tinsley – hard-working, dedicated, saw a lot of ice in the second half of the season and did very little wrong.

And the Whitley Warriors and Northern Stars who bolstered our numbers on occasion, notable mentions to Adam Reynolds and Dan Pye. Thank you!

The 2010/1 season: the vital statistics:

My Viper stats: 9 wins 15 defeats – No. of streaks – 0 (it was too cold for that business).
Number of teeth lost – 5 (that I noticed!)

Number of beards grown – 695 – averages approximately 49 beards per Viper. Sort of. That’s about 8 each a month. Sounds about right, doesn’t it?

Goals scored – some

Goals conceded – more

Penalties – loads

Fights – several

Going - got tough

Tough - got going

Ciders – 53 (at least)

Unrequited cuddles for injured players – 83

SexyNeilsonHockey – 200%

Dancing – poor

Cheering – loud

Spirit – fighting

Memories – a lifetime’s worth

Thanks again for reading, everybody. It's been a pleasure to share this journey with you. Here's hoping I'll be back next year with more juicy Vipers fruit for your delectation. I'll say no more on that matter for now! But please come back next week for my play-off review! Marvel as I attempt to remember four whole other sets of players and compare and contrast their beards! Gasp in wonder as I single-handedly dissect the weekend's hockey action despite excessive apple juice consumption! Shudder as I recount in vivid detail the pain and agony of my final hockey withdrawal symptoms! And other such jollities! See you then!

That’s All Folks

Perspective. There’s a rare and precious commodity I could use a little of right now. Writing this blog post in a month’s time I would probably be able to wax lyrical about the Vipers’ season, contrast the highs and lows, list the best bits, review the players, maybe even summarise my journey from hockey novice to regular hockey fan. And I could put it all into context and perhaps accept that my life isn’t actually over. But perspective is not a luxury I am lucky enough to be afforded right now, so as it is, this is probably going to be the toughest thing I have ever had to write in my erratic (and for the most part imagined) journalistic career. But I have loved writing about this hockey team all season long and there’s not a dog in a pond’s chance I’m going to let them go without a proper send-off, gut-wrenching as it’s going to be to put down onto paper (screen) the emotions that I am feeling right now.

So I’m going to review the final weekend in all its glory. I thought about breaking it up into parts but sod it, I’m going to do it justice in one long final hurrah. I’m even going to attempt to review the matches. Well, vaguely. But I’m not going to shy away from the reality of the situation, so you’d better prepare yourselves. There will be sad bits. There will be happy bits. There will be cuddly, fluffy and squishy bits. I will do my damnedest to ensure it makes sense and is as optimistic as I can manage because that’s the least this team deserve. Buckle up sports fans, as we take our final spin on the rollercoaster ride that has been Vipers Hockey. It’s going to be a long one.

Saturday 19th March 2011 – saying Goodbye to the Bay

I know a lot of people have had their problems with Whitley Bay and yes, having seen on the tele-box and even in person, now, the Utopian Ice Paradises of such places as the Odyssey Arena and the National Ice Centre, I can understand why. It’s small, dingy, old, uncomfortable, poorly lit, freezing cold and the lines beneath the ice have all but disappeared. Plus it doesn’t belong to us, is awkward for fans to get to and just generally causes a bit of a grump amongst the Vipers massive.

I’ll admit I’m hugely biased because it’s 5 minutes’ drive from my house; hell, I could even have walked there if I felt so inclined (I never did), but you know what, it’s not even the convenience factor that I’ll miss about Whitley Bay ice rink now the season has come to a close. It’s my first ice rink. The one where I fell in love with ice hockey. And until last weekend, the only ice hockey rink I’d been to. It’s the one where I lost my heart to the Vipers, made friends with like-minded people, drank cider and laughed and cheered and danced and learnt everything I know about this beautiful game. And you know the thing I will miss most? Aside from the strange, cold, yet sometimes vibrant atmosphere which prevails there, the impact of being so very close to the ice surface, wherever in the building you are, and the somewhat ominous ambience the place has due to the yellow-ish darkness which somehow lends itself so perfectly to this oftentimes dark and menacing sport.

It’s the smell. It gets me every time. On the approach you anticipate it, and there it is; your nostrils fill with the unique scent of fried cheese mixed with decomposing rubber. And then you get into the rink itself. The ice has a weird, wet smell that hangs on your hair and your clothes long after you leave the rink. That smell will stay with me for as long as that ice rink stays standing. I have no doubt I will go there during the summer and feel all wrong because it’s light outside and the sun is shining but there will be that smell: so familiar, so tangible I can almost grab it. It will all come rushing back to me. The sound of the cheers echoing in my ears, the crisp ‘swoosh’ of skaters stopping and swiftly changing direction, cutting into the ice with precision, the smack of the puck against a stick, or a goalpost, or some teeth.

The Bay. Perfect? Nope. My favourite place in the North-East? Even above the pub (all of them)? Yup.

It may not be perfect, but I’ll never forget that battered old building on Hillheads Road, and all the good times I’ve had there. So, unexpectedly, Saturday was a harder day for me than Sunday, and it caught me unawares. It was the last Vipers home game, and the first in a double-header against Dundee. It could have been all to play for, had various factors not taken the power out of our hands and left us with nothing to play for but pride. But as has been the case with this team time and time again over the course of the season, there’s no telling the Vipers players when to quit. Amid a throng of fans paying tribute to the heroes of the season through song, the team set about attacking the game with trademark tenacity. We went 1-0 down in the first but came back fighting, our three goals coming in quick succession, and all from the fearsome two-some of Hartmanis and Rzeszutko. They went as follows: first goal – amazing individual skill from Hartmanis; second goal – cheeky and lucky, (and some other lesser known dwarves), some nifty link-up play between the two around the back of the net; third goal – Jaro Ninja strikes and follows up with one of his awesome celebrations. Love that.

Towards the end of the first period there were some issues and controversy, as is usual in games between us and Dundee, and that combined with some technical issues with the scoreboard meant a lengthy delay in proceedings. We struggled again against some questionable refereeing, and in the second period it seemed to affect the team, and they lost their way and were made to pay by the Stars. Dundee did their best to help us out, taking penalty after penalty and rarely fielding a full set of five skaters, but we were plagued once again by an ineffective powerplay, and we failed to make the most of the opportunities. The lead slipped away, and we moved into the third period with a tied game. In the third period we clawed our way back into the game but were unable to make any impact on Kurdna’s net and Dundee struck the final blow. A devastating and undeserved loss for our final game, but a hard-fought one too, and nothing to be ashamed of. Following the game the players were introduced individually for the fans to show their appreciation, before Danny took to the mic to give a few heartfelt words of thanks to everyone involved with the club. There were tears and cheers all around the rink as the home crowd said goodbye to surely one of the gutsiest and most determined groups of individuals ever to grace the ice of Whitley Bay and maybe even British ice hockey in general.

Danny's Lionhearts. We love you guys, and we will never forget you! THANK YOU!

Sunday 20th March 2011 – Danny Stewart and the Last Crusade

By rights, the away trip to Dundee, what with being the team’s last ever game together, and probably our last ever game as a club, should have been even sadder than Saturday. But it wasn’t. As 49 Vipers fans boarded a stunningly shiny futuristic silver pod of a coach to make the long trip to the wilds of Scotland, there was a mood of defiant buoyancy. This trip WAS going to be fun, and no faffing about with your namby-pamby soppy tears or reminiscing. Are you northern or not? (Nope. Sshh, don’t tell anyone. I don’t think they’ve noticed, my Geordie accent has really come on lately!).

On arrival in Dundee I noticed a small number of important details. There was a KFC. This was good news, as I was hungry. The rink looked impressive from the outside. And Dundee smelt really rather bad. Following a fast food fix, we headed rink-wards where we enjoyed Dundee’s pleasant bar facilities whilst admiring their little gem of a rink. Honestly, if it’s possible to marry an ice rink, then someone hand me a ring because I am in LOVE. What a diamond little place. I was over-awed by the Odyssey Arena, to the point of detachment, but Dundee is a cracker. It combines all the best features of a place like the Odyssey – bright lights, decent seating, good views and good facilities, with the proximity to the ice and the intimacy that is Whitley Bay’s strong suit. All in all it was the perfect ice experience and as one Vipers fan suggested, if we could have hooked the Dundee Ice Arena to the back of the bus and towed it home, I really think we would have.

Aah, look at the lovely rink! Look how shiny and bright! I can has?

And so down to business, for the last time this season. It was somehow fitting that as all the two-way players from Whitley Warriors and Northern Stars were unavailable, the team that took to the ice were the bare bones – but the heart and soul – of the Vipers team we have known and loved all season. Nine skaters and two netminders. Small but perfectly formed. Our little half-sized hockey unit with double the heart of a full strength squad. 50% off, but 110% extra free. I could continue in this vein. Shall I? Okay fine, I’ll get on with it. Around 100 Vipers turned out to see the lads off in style and boy did Dundee know about it. The singing was loud, proud and constant. Every Vipers fan, clad in at least one jersey, wore their hearts on their sleeves and clapped until their hands stung, and sang until they had no voices left.

The first period was as exciting a period of hockey as we’ve seen all season. Close-fought and hard battled, the effort from both teams was reflected the scoreline going into the period break, at 1-1. In the second period, back-up netminder Liam McAllister made a rare appearance. Sadly for the travelling fans, Dundee took advantage, pouncing early and scoring four goals in quick succession to effectively kill off the game. But the Vipers fans continued singing regardless, and I heard some great chants on the night, some of which I wouldn’t dare to repeat on here, some of which were quite moving, and one of which was a touching one-man tribute to Kyle Sibley, which I rather enjoyed given my affection for the aforementioned diminutive defenceman.

The Vipers Massive. They're MASSIVE! How's that for away support? Are you watching Elite League!

The rest of the game was academic really. There was surpisingly little in the way of conflict, and Dan Ceman's men asserted themselves and made the nine-odd man advantage tell. We did manage to get on the score-sheet again through that man Rzeszutko, to give us one last goal to go crazy for, and then we sadly lost Danny Stewart to injury in an unfortunate and violent meeting between puck and foot. The coach took man of the match, which seemed fitting.

And so that was that. Season over. We trooped back to the coach for a surprisingly upbeat journey home, and then went our separate ways, wistful in the memory of what had been, and what could have been. Or maybe that was just me. Something about a sub-standard cheese pizza from a late-night kebab shop really puts me in a thinking sort of a mood.

The end of this season is a double-edged sword, as we are losing two distinct entities, both of which mean so much to so many, but in quite different ways. Firstly and most importantly is the end of this ice hockey club – it’s not set in stone, and I for one will be keeping everything crossed as well as trying to win the lottery on a weekly basis – but it’s looking likely. It’s the end of an era for the devoted and loyal following that I have been proud to call myself a part of for just six short months, during which time I’ve seen a brief snapshot of a tight-knit community, passionate and dedicated to the very last. These fans are not just losing something to do on a Saturday night. They are losing something which has been a massive part of their lives for the last few years. I can’t compare my experience to that of the hardcore, the lifers; they have made countless fantastic memories with this organisation, and I can’t and won’t even pretend to understand how deeply this will affect them, as the reality is I’m a total newcomer and I have not been a part of this club’s history. They have. The hurt I am feeling must be a hundred times worse for them and I can only hope that something, anything, can be done to rescue the club in its time of need. These much-vaunted hockey gods I’ve heard so much about really need to get their holy fingers out, because it would be criminal for this to come to an end.

But the second thing we are losing is something that I would have shed tears over losing whether or not this club continued its tenuous existence, and that is the loss of a sporting team unlike any other I have ever seen. Danny Stewart and his players have given everything and more for the club and the fans this season and they will all go on to great things, of that I have no doubt. Each and every one of them deserves so much love and respect for the part they have played in this topsy-turvy few months, and they will live on forever in the memories of the fans who were lucky enough to share this crazy ride with them. They are testament to the fact that good friendships, heart and determination and a will to succeed can overcome almost anything.

I have long said that this experience reminds me of a movie, and that I would love to make a film about the amazing ups and downs of this season. A true underdog story. It’s not a story about miracles but instead a film about triumph over adversity, hopes and dreams, anticipation, ups and downs, sticking together, tenacity, guts and loyalty; the true underdog mentality. It’s not about the perfect outcome, but the spirit in which the almost achieving it was achieved. But every sports film needs a happy ending. And we don’t have one of those. Yet.

The End

(Oh and just in case you were wondering, I’m not going anywhere. The blog may take a slightly different format in the coming weeks and months but I will still be here in some way, shape or form. What the hell else am I going to do with myself if I can’t babble on about hockey. Later in the week I will, with added perspective and hopefully humour, sum up the season as I have seen it, and ponder the path our futures might take without hockey. There will also be extensive review of the play-off weekend, in early April, as I attempt to turn my journalistic tendencies to something more objective. Oh who am I kidding, I’ll be rating player beards and searching for Sexy Neilson Hockey and I’m not ashamed to say it. Until then folks, I hope you’ve enjoyed reading this blog as much as I have writing it. It’s been a pleasure in so many ways. And I’m gushing again, which is silly as I’ll be back in a few days. Ta ta for now).