A Glaswegian Odyssey: Part 2

Originally published on http://www.ukamericansportsfans.com/ on 30th January 2012

The second instalment of action in the Braehead home double header had a lot to live up to after a gripping clash with Belfast the previous night, but I had my doubts. It was to be my third encounter with the Dundee Stars this season and they had been less than impressive on the first two occasions. But with a play-off place at stake and a sizeable group of travelling fans in tow, it had the potential to surpass their prior efforts to impress me, so I kept an open mind.

I had barely made myself comfortable before the first goal had been scored, and it seemed neither had Stars netminder Chris Whitley (as in Bay – Simmsey, take note!) as Brock McPherson netted within two minutes to give the Clan an immediate advantage. I wondered for a moment if this would be a rout, like the last time I had seen these two sides square off. The thought was barely formed before it was swiftly dismissed: Dundee equalised. Jaakko Suomalainen was caught napping by Mark Kolanos, and despite kicking out a foot it was too late. 1-1. I rubbed my hands together at the prospect of a potential goal-fest. And I wasn’t disappointed. Still with less than 10 minutes on the clock the home side scored again, Whitley making a decent save but unable to repeat the feat on the rebound, Mike Bayrack with a clinical finish to make it 2-1. At that point Clan looked the stronger of the two sides, with more about them going forward, but the pendulum of fortune was once again to swing the way of the Stars, Jeff Hutchins poaching a goal from a Jarrett Konkle pass from behind the net. 2-2.

Jarrett Konkle. My current favourite Elite League player name. Konkle. Say it out loud. Don’t be afraid. It will make your mouth happy.

Anyway! Moving swiftly on…

Undeterred, the Clan continued to press. Jade Galbraith fluffed a breakaway solo effort, and on the powerplay Bayrack was unlucky not to improve his side’s lead after a stinging shot was dealt with confidently by Whitley. It was a fruitless powerplay, the Clan unable to convert any chances, their attractive passing build-up play no more than just that, and we reverted to 5-on-5, the game opening up, the action end to end. In the dying seconds of the first period Jade Galbraith picked up the puck and tore away down the centre, passed out left to James Jorgensen who made no mistake; Whitley had no chance, and the Clan went into the break with the slenderest of advantages.

The atmosphere and indeed the game itself belied the 5-goal scoreline; it was strangely flat. The travelling Vipers got a shout out from the Braehead announcer which was jolly nice. The second period began and the Clan were quickly back in business, not wasting their time in scoring a fourth, the incendiary line of McPherson, Bayrack and Mike Wirll combining once again – I’d love to tell you what happened but sadly Brock McPherson’s sizeable frame was blocking my view of the net. It was a goal, anyway.

The game seemed to lose any remaining fizz after that. This was a sparkle-free zone. Dundee had a powerplay but there was nothing doing. Some time passed. At this point, the scoreline exactly matched my prediction – I was gunning for two from two but as that would have meant no more goals I was somewhat torn. Meanwhile, Dan McGoff was having a good period for Dundee, a sparky and forward-thinking defenceman who brought some much-needed life to the ranks. However it was to no avail; Braehead washed over Dundee in wave after wave of sustained attack that could only end in one way – a fifth goal, bringing up Mike Bayrack’s hat-trick, and surely the end of Dundee’s chances of taking anything away from the game.

Into the third period and it was becoming clear that not all of the Stars players were on the same page. There were a few still trying but as in Sheffield a couple of weeks ago, most seemed all too content to accept defeat. The Clan’s top two lines continued to look threatening but with a three goal cushion there was less incentive to exert themselves and the game died a death, even a 5-on-3 opportunity proving unsuccessful for the home side who had entered cruise control. However, halfway through the third period they were forced to wake up again as Konkle picked out a spot in the top corner and fired home cleanly to bring the margin back to two.

Could there be a twist at the end of a rather drab tale? The Stars pulled their netminder and for the final minute and a half the intensity ramped up, the Clan suddenly under pressure. The crowd were stunned – finally some pulsating action. It had only taken 58 and a half minutes. Another goal came from the stick of AJ Maclean with 4.9 seconds left on the clock, but the time out wasn’t enough to inspire the visitors to a last gasp equaliser and the game was over.

Some questions needed answering. Why had a game with 9 goals not been more exciting? Why did the Clan not win by a far more convincing margin? Why can Dundee not put together a full 60 minutes? Was Mike Bayrack the signing of the season? Was he in fact an even bigger coup than Jade Galbraith? And could Mike Wirll potentially grow a beard of Mike Prpich proportions? All signs point to yes.

Conclusion

Things learned: the Vipers live! In spirit if not in flesh. A great weekend was had by all. I re-discovered my love for live action photography. Friday’s game was a whole world better than Saturdays. I kept almost all of my promises (sorry, I still can’t help dancing during stoppages). I am pretty amazing at predicting scorelines, half the time. Braehead is my favourite rink of any I’ve been to so far, and the fans and organisation are fantastic. And Dundee and I are so over. Three chances to impress me have gone begging, and I can no longer give them the benefit of the doubt and call a poor performance ‘an off day’. They are missing something.

I’m no expert of course, but I will speculate nonetheless. A combination of carrying too many passengers and missing the mark with their coaching choices has to cover it. Despite a couple of handy imports they lack depth, and the appointment of Brent Hughes to the coaching role left vacant by Dan Ceman clearly hasn’t had the impact that they would have hoped. There’s a distinct lack of fight in the ranks; they seem content to lay down and submit to a beating – then a flash of brilliance will galvanise them and they rally – but too little too late. This afternoon’s breaking news was that they will trade Lee Mitchell for Braehead’s Kyle Bruce; I feel this may help the collective attitude problem they seem to be up against, as Bruce is a fiery, full-on character who should bring some much-needed oomph to the dressing room.

On the positive side Konkle, Kolanos and McGoff are talented and committed, and Chris Whitley is a good netminder who, with a better support system in front of him, could be even better. He reminds me of Charlie Effinger, Vipers’ heroic netminder of last season, the unique psyche of a netminder easily recognisable in Whitley’s seemingly schizophrenic nature, self-deprecating and self-motivating in equal measure, he prowls back and forth psyching himself up, and seems to take every opposition goal to heart. Most importantly, he really seems to care about winning, and Brent Hughes could do with harnessing a little of that will to win if his side have any hope of challenging for the final play-off spot. I hope it comes together for them.

So – that’s a lot of words from me in a short space of time! My next fix of live action is in three weeks time; I will return in the meantime to spout forth my opinion on all things Elite League. Because you just can’t get enough of me, can you. TTFN my lovelies!

Oh No You Dundidn't

I’ve never heard the word ‘howay’ so many times in one evening.

It was a Saturday night, in Whitley Bay. It quite often is, these days. The Vipers were taking on the Dundee Stars in the first of five vital matches to be played between the two sides over the next few weeks. A budding rivalry between the clubs, which had originally come about based on the fight for the last play-off spot, was further fuelled last week by the controversy surrounding the Vipers’ unsuccessful attempt to bring in an additional import, which was blocked by Dundee and Edinburgh, leading this to be the first so-called ‘grudge match’ between the two sides. Background set? Check!

It was my first game in two weeks and alas, my first Dale Mahovsky-less game. I didn’t think it would affect me that badly but what with that and the time away from all things hockey my rose-tinted spectacles had slipped somewhat. Thankfully, I don’t tend to use those particular optical enhancers for ice hockey, what with the fact they make everything look pink and that; instead I had new contact lenses with a stronger prescription, which meant that I could actually see the puck and everything! (I think this proves uncategorically that vanity is dangerous. Be warned, people!) I felt like a Cyclops or some kind of X-Person or something, and almost expected to inherit the ability to zoom in and out and obtain factual information about players on a vidi-printer type optical extension. You know, like, ‘BRENT HUGHES… DUNDEE CAPTAIN… FORMERLY OF NEWCASTLE VIPERS… SUFFERS FROM SMS (SHORT MAN SYNDROME)…’ Sadly those talents weren’t forthcoming, but at least I had greater clarity than usual.

The first period was end-to-end but lacked end product, with few shots on goal and no score. The Vipers fans were in fine voice however, competing with the healthy contingent of Stars fans who had made their way south of the border for the match. I embraced my inner Geordie on numerous occasions, and hoped that I didn’t stick out like the cockney sore thumb that I am. I feel that investing in a subtle disguise might be a plan. I’ll whack out the fake tan, shall I? (Only joking, lovely people of the North-East!).

A man in a stripey shirt tries in vain to prevent the Extreme Majorette team attempting their infamous suicide baton twirl (Pic by Ian Macbeth)

Dundee were a physical presence and their MO for the game seemed to be to try and weaken the Vipers already light bench by drawing them into committing penalties, and they succeeded in style with a minute to play in the first period. After a couple of hits on netminder Charlie Effinger it all kicked off, ‘it’ being two separate fights, involving no less than 7 players (ish), both of which were conducted in what appeared (to this novice at least) to be a less than a sportsmanlike manner. I was reliably informed that this was how it ‘used to be’ in the sport; it was described as ‘old time hockey’ which if Saturday’s brawl was anything to go by translates as ‘guys kicking the crap out of each other with no code of honour whatsoever and just being left to it’. The referee had no control over the situation and the fights continued uninterrupted despite our players being down, and in the case of Sam Zajac, outnumbered.

The Vipers fans were incensed - and I mean, livid - ex-Viper Brent Hughes bearing the brunt of the home crowd’s derision, and much as I love a good fight, the intensity of the situation was a bit much for me and my protective instincts won out over my bloodlust and rendered me completely speechless, hands clamped round my face in a comedy Macauley-Culkin-in-Home-Alone sort of fashion, struck dumb with outrage. I half expected a Panthers/Blaze-style bench clearance and perhaps, if we hadn’t been outnumbered, it might have gone that way. The period was brought to a close early for the hapless officials to attempt to regain a semblance of control and work out who would take what in terms of penalty minutes. It meant that at the beginning of the second period, Vipers were left with just 7 skaters for a short period, our penalty box busier than our bench – not a good sign.

The second period was a case of ‘back to business’ but with the added intensity that only a good mass brawl can inject into a game. . Vipers scored their first goal from the stick of Ninja Rzeszutko off the post – I’ve had some embarrassing moments in my time cheering disallowed goals in football, to the point where I often look at the linesman before cheering. The red light is my hockey equivalent, and it didn’t illuminate which confused me, but everyone around me was celebrating and it looked in to me, so I joined in. And it worked! Happy days. We continued to push forward and despite conceding a goal, went into the second period break ahead through a well-taken goal from Captain Paul Sample.

A trademark third period collapse could have been on the cards but in the end, although Dundee made their 6-man advantage tell, the win was far from emphatic. The remaining Vipers went down fighting, and it could be argued the third goal would perhaps not have materialised if it wasn’t for another suspect refereeing decision leaving us defending against another Stars powerplay. The defeat was bitterly disappointing but not an entirely surprising outcome, in a match where the list of penalties exceeded the number of players on the benches, the officials struggled to remain in control, and the Stars team put in a cynical performance against tired and under-strength opposition. But from an objective point of view, it was a fantastic night’s entertainment and despite my recent malaise, totally reaffirmed to me why I love this sport so much. I can’t over-emphasize how proud I am to be involved with a club where everyone continues to give their heart and soul despite such difficult circumstances. Fantastic group of human beings, and that includes players, management and all the fans too.

Newcastle Vipers: So fast, they cannot be seen clearly by the naked eye. Dundee Stars, on the other hand... (Pic by Ian Macbeth)

Anyway, enough of the serious business. I know you’ve all been dying to hear my thoughts on the latest Viper-related facial hair, and I’m thrilled this week to be able to report that Mike Prpich’s beard turned up in Belfast! Quite what he was doing leaving it there I don’t know, but we can call off the search, much to the relief of frightened members of the public, and of course, his chin. There seems to be a collective face-fuzz increase in the Vipers camp which makes me wonder if perhaps male beard growth experiences a similar hormonal phenomenon to women who work in close proximity and affect each other’s lady cycles. Perhaps Gillette could sponsor a scientific investigation into said phenomenon. I would of course be happy to volunteer my services for data collection. See below pics for initial evidence. I swear to several gods, none of these beards were there on Saturday night. Something funny happened on that ferry from Stranraer to Belfast…

The Newcastle Vipers Official Beard-Log... Or 'B-log' (let's see if that new word catches on! Remember, you heard it here first!)

Below: John Schwarz modelling the Canadian Woodcutter v.3™

Kyle Sibley. This one DEFINITELY wasn't there on Saturday night.

Coach Danny Stewart leading by example

Jamie Tinsley - he didn't have a single hair on his face until he started playing ice hockey. True story.

Below: The Inspiration. He spills beard-growing hormones from every pore and makes facial hair spontaneously erupt on the faces of all who are near him. Take a bow, Sir Mike of Prpich.

All Beard Log pics kindly reproduced from Paul Lynch Photography http://www.paullynch.smugmug.com/

PS Stay tuned for instalment 2 of the blog later this week, following our Challenge Cup semi-final at Whitley Bay against our good old pals the Nottingham Panthers. ‘A cup semi-final,’ I hear you cry?! ‘That sounds awfully important and exciting!’ Well you’re right, it’s both – so get your sexy butts down to the rink and experience the pinnacle of our season so far. ‘On a school night?!’ Yes. Quit your whining and get yerselves to the bar. Mine’s a Bulmers. Buy your tickets HERE!
http://www.vipershockey.co.uk/shop/

PPS Stay tuned to the blog in the coming weeks, too, for all manner of hockey-related excitement INCLUDING: my graduation from hockey kindergarten, Zamboni Girl: The Sequel (Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the ice), Holiday: the Whitley Bay Ice Rink special, The Official ‘Yo’ Momma’ joke-book, by John Schwarz, an exclusive interview with Mike Prpich in which he reveals the secret to growing a beard so virile, it can manage its own small business empire in Northern Ireland, and Through the Keyhole: A peek into the homes of hockey players - which ones are stinking pits and which are bodacious boudoirs? You decide!

PPPS At least three of the above are true! But which ones? Who can say! It all depends on which restraining orders I can get lifted!

PPPPS Um, Bye then. See you later in the week! ENJOY THE GAME!