A Tale of Two Hockey Matches - Part 2

Act Two – Sunday 21st November v Nottingham Panthers

Cue music. And the music is, for some reason, the opening to 2001: A Space Odyssey. It just seems fitting. The protagonist returns to the scene of last night’s crime, hoping for a reprieve. Yesterday the architects of their own downfall, today is an opportunity for the heavily-padded men to take matters into their own hands, against a mighty nemesis. Who will prevail? Only time will tell...

Yesterday’s game could have been described as winnable. Today’s, not so much. It was a David vs Goliath-type encounter, Arsenal v Dagenham and Redbridge, if you’ll excuse another footballing reference; a mammoth challenge for the Vipers and a match in which most fans would expect a rout.

The Panthers set their stall out early, conceding their first penalty after just 11 seconds, and it set the tone for the entire match. They were a massive physical presence, and the match was what could best be described as ‘chippy’ (thanks to Scott Langdon for that most fitting of descriptive terms, which I shall be borrowing indefinitely), but the Vipers gave as good as they got in the first period, and the crowd were behind them all the way. The Panthers seemed to revel in their pantomime villain role, conceding one penalty after another, notorious hard-man Alex Penner being sent off for the entire match after an incident which occurred right in front of me, in which he jabbed Vipers coach Danny Stewart twice in the face with his stick before punching Jamie Carroll. Charming! Penner has been described as an ‘ex-weapon’; what that specifically means, I don’t know, but It seems to translate roughly as ‘bit of an idiot’ as far as I can tell (please, please don’t tell him I said that. The guy is clearly unhinged. And I’m scared). New Viper Mike Prpich decided he meant business and threw himself into the action too, picking up a five minute major for fighting just a couple of minutes in. I think his beard might actually have grown since yesterday, so maybe it was weighing him down a bit. Or perhaps a small family of wood mice have moved into it. That would be annoying, right?

A moment of indecision as the puck tries to work out which is the lesser of three evils; a Viper, a Panther or a Match Official

The atmosphere was fantastic, rising and bubbling over both on and off the ice, the flames further fanned by what, even to a novice, appeared to be a relatively poor refereeing performance. I was caught up in the collective disapproval, which was possibly not for the best, as I tend to go rather high-pitched when indignant and end up screeching like a girl. Which is bad enough when I know what I’m talking about but as you will no doubt be realising by now, when it comes to hockey, I don’t really, and during Sunday’s match it just descended (or should I say, ascended) into angry squeaking. I suddenly realised I sounded like a hormonal rodent. So I stopped.

It really was a ‘proper’ hockey match though. And in a beautiful moment of recognition, I happened to tune into a conversation going on behind me between two dudes who were quite clearly attending their first ever game. I’m not sure where they were from but I thought I heard a hint of Aussie so in my head, that’s what they will be. Overheard:

1st newbie: ‘so what happened there then?’
2nd newbie: ‘I’ve absolutely no idea mate! I like it though!’
1st newbie: ‘Surely he’s not allowed to do that?!’
2nd newbie: ‘I dunno mate! But this is my kinda sport!’

I could hear the glee in the voice of newbie number 2 in particular. It had switched on the same light in his brain that went on in mine back in early October. But now I was the one who knew what was going on. I felt all, sort of, wise. It didn’t last long however, as a collection of players gathered in a corner of the rink and began to do that thing that looks like they are curling, vigorously. All scrubbing the ice together trying to wrest the puck from one another. There must be a more dignified way to get around that problem. No? Ah well. It makes me laugh, it all looks very pedestrian. Until someone gets an elbow in the chops. But anyway.

Oh, did you want to know what actually happened in the match? Sorry folks, I was too busy booing and things to really pay attention to the hockey. It was jolly good fun for a while. Until the Panthers went a bit over-board with their below-the-belt tactics, and a few key decisions seemed to go awry, and then all of sudden, the nightmare scenario once again reared its ugly head. The third period started. And lo and behold, we quickly conceded two goals and suddenly we were trailing and the Panthers were able to put the game to bed, despite an excellent late goal from Danny Stewart and continued battling from the feisty Vipers. The game had more fizz than an Alka Seltzer in a Diet Coke jacuzzi. And despite falling behind, the guys never gave up, battling to the end, and giving the fans something to shout about once again.

Prior to the Hull match I was quite concerned about next weekend’s break, and the fact that I would be missing out on my regular hockey fix. After the Hull match I was actually quite relieved. Now, I’m back to concern again. I have the jitters already. I need more! Call the emergency services! I’ve contracted an acute case of ice hockey. I fear it’s terminal.

And so the final curtain falls. Brave in defeat, the heavily-padded men can be proud of their achievements against the mighty nemesis, and can go away with their heads held high. Our protagonist feels once again cautiously optimistic, and carries the vestiges of battle away with her as a symbol of the good fight. And also because she’d paid for it and it had her website on the back. Yes.

Fin

PS Stay tuned - part 3 is up shortly! I know, I know, technically there isn't a part 3 as I've covered both matches already. It's a special post featuring lots of lists of 5!! Trust me, it's going to be more fun than it sounds. If not, you can have your money back. What, you didn't PAY to get onto this blog? I need to have words with the management...