March of the Vipers

Welcome to March, people. March! Can you Adam and Eve it! And other such cockney exclamations. It’s frightening how close we are to the end of the season now; I’m trying to trick my brain into not believing it and have spent massive portions of time studying the NHL in order to guarantee myself a couple more months of pleasure before the summer hits with full force and the reality of the hockey emptiness hits home. This has resulted, unsurprisingly, in yet more nervous moments as I wait to see if my team (Calgary Flames) can make it to the play-offs. Nothing can ever be straightforward, can it. SIGH.

But I’m happy to report that of the Vipers’ six remaining league games, I will be in attendance at five, including the last four in a row, and then of course there’s play-off weekend, so I will be able to bring you a veritable smorgasbord of hockey babbling to keep you going well into those dreaded summer months. Or until the second week in April, at least. (This is the first time in my entire life I’ve ever dreaded the summer. I feel so DIRTY!).

It seems as though every game is ‘the most important game of the season’ for the Vipers at the moment, but on Saturday it was unequivocally true as we were once again playing the Dundee Stars, our only rival for 8th spot in the league and the final play-off place. A defeat would have ended our challenge in all but mathematics, a victory would keep us very much in the race, despite the tough selection of fixtures we have facing us during the final weeks.

The momentousness of the occasion played on my mind throughout the week and by the time Saturday night rolled around, I should by rights have been quaking in my boots with nerves. But I wasn’t. A peculiar air of calm had descended over me; I felt all zen. Why? I couldn’t put my finger on it. There was a portentous air of inevitability hanging around the rink, as there has been for some of our other recent matches, but it has gathered density and momentum of late, like a snowball rolling down a hill, and it’s impossible to ignore. The sense that the script for this season is already written may be ominously tempting fate, but it’s prevalent none the less.

Here endeth the slightly abstract, mysterious and speculative section of the post! We did theorise that perhaps the real reason no-one felt nervous was because the players were all clad in the most ridiculous shade of pink. It detracts a certain something from the gravity of such a crunch game when your entire team look like giant shrimp, right down the horrendously clash-y red trim which put me in mind of a platter of fresh king prawns. Sexy. All for a good cause of course, as the simply-named ‘Pink at the Rink’ night was in aid of Macmillan Cancer Support.

A busy day at the salmon farm as the Head Salmon reveals the day's key swim tactics

And so to the game. Just as we had against Belfast last weekend, we got off to a dream start, Jaroslaw Rzeszutko scoring within the first half a minute. In contrast to last week though, he didn’t stop there. Quite what they put in Jaro’s Lucozade this week I don’t know, but whatever it was, I’d like to order a significant amount. He scored a hat-trick in the first period alone, the third goal an absolutely spectacular diving effort over the Stars’ netminder. I’ve been trying to get the nickname ‘Ninja’ for him to catch on in recent weeks and after Saturday’s performance, I hope it will, as I think it fits him perfectly. The guy was on fire. Although someone misunderstood me and started calling him ‘the Jarrow Ninja’, which conjures up a whole different image to what I had in mind!

We weren’t completely dominant in the first period despite the scoreline, one of main issues being our powerplay, which was ineffective at first as we squandered a couple of opportunities before finally finding the key – 5 on 3! Something about a two-player advantage just makes the game that bit easier. It’s a revelation!

We started the second period nervously and Dundee capitalised on our lack of intent, scoring within a minute and again later on in the period, but we scored a couple more of our own to set up what everyone hoped would be a straightforward third period. I must say that the whole affair was passing by with relatively little in the way of conflict which was a surprise to everyone, particularly in light of the last meeting between the two sides which could very well have ended in a bench clearance. Oh and can I just say, I totally called a penalty and got it right!! Go Katy, it’s your birthday etc. (It’s not really. It's June 15th, in case you’re wondering. Please address all gifts to KTDude, number 14, quite near the ice rink, Tyne and Wear. Thanks guuuuuys!).

Blink and you'll miss them. Speed Kings Hartmanis and Rzeszutko

Now, I will devote a whole paragraph to the awesomeness that is our number one forward line. Take a bow Messrs Rzeszutko, Prpich and Hartmanis, you are truly breath-taking. Toms Hartmanis’ astonishing turn of speed, his amazing link up play with Ninja Rzeszutko, and the intensity of the line as a whole is astounding. It breathes life into the whole team every time it takes to the ice, and it can and does induce mild whiplash in all who gaze upon it, as it shoots by at the speed of sound. Dundee looked nervous every time that line took to the ice. But tonight was Rzeszutko’s night. He netted his fourth and fifth in the third period, and despite a spirited fight-back from Dundee, it was never going to be their night. Even if they had scored a couple more – highly unlikely given our second star of the night, Charlie Effinger, who was quietly going about his business saving shot after shot in the background – in the form he was in, Jaro probably would have poked in a couple more just to make a point.

That’s not to say there weren’t nervous moments. It certainly wasn’t plain sailing. Dundee even had six on three at one point, having pulled their netminder whilst we had two in the penalty box, but they couldn’t even convert that, and once the sixth goal went in Dundee would have had to resort to praying for miracles to pull anything from the game. Kudos to their travelling fans though; they were boisterous, lively and vocal for the most part of the match, and we look forward to welcoming them back to the Bay on the final Saturday of the season, before we repay the favour on their patch the very next day! Here’s hoping we are still in the race by then.

A Dundee Star realises his best chance to score at Whitley Bay is to fuse himself to Rzeszutko

I was reliably informed that following the victory the team took to the dressing rooms and spent some time involved in a group singing session which is apparently quite unusual. Perhaps that’s the effect that playing in pink has on a team. It brings out their more, er, shall we say, theatrical side. I now have visions of the players jazz-hands-ing all over the dressing room. Tap dancing isn’t all that different from ice-skating, is it?

I appear to have lost momentum and I’m not sure where I’m going with this post anymore. I think Saturday’s nerves have hit me, belatedly, as I write about yet another fantastic achievement for our lads and think of the mountain they have still to climb in the space of three short weeks. At the end of the day, 8th place is Dundee’s to lose. But we’d better make damn sure we push them every step of the way, and I have no doubt in my mind that we will. To reiterate a phrase which has become one of the catchphrases of the season, and a lot like myself and my obsession with large bearded Canadians, Vipers just don’t know when to quit. And I hope that stays true until the very last moment of the season, regardless of the final outcome. Whatever happens, they can be proud of themselves. D'aww, I feel I warm inside now. Group hug, everybody.